Starting with Relationships

We opened this week’s cuppa with a strong theme emerging straight away. One participant shared that they had been following an internal cue that morning, reaching out to people they had not spoken to in some time. They described their focus for the day as “relationships, relationships, relationships, and nothing else matters”.

Others who joined echoed the same energy. One reflected, “life’s about relationships, right, communications and transparency and feeling safe,” while another spoke about the value of reconnecting with people after several weeks of long-haul travel and big in-person events. Despite the busyness and distance, the thread was clear: connection matters.

Feeling the Collective Tiredness

The kōrero then shifted into a shared reflection on what many are noticing across their relationships, workplaces and communities. Someone asked whether it was just their context or if others were experiencing the same exhaustion. They asked if others were seeing “everyone really exhausted and not engaging, like with the communication, the ego… everywhere in the world.”

The group immediately engaged. One described close relationships feeling “very shut down” and a general sense that “everything just feels a little bit lethargic.” People seemed to lack the extra energy they once had, and as someone put it, “we are not adding to each other’s pot.”

Another participant shared a story from home. Their partner works with teenagers who are on various types of benefits, and many can only manage “a half hour of form filling time before they just… cannot focus anymore.” What helps them is simple consistency. She sends them texts two or three times a week, and after a few weeks they begin to realise someone is genuinely there for them. That small connection gives them enough grounding to take the next step with her, whether that is coming into town for a meeting, getting support or feeling ready to engage. It was described as “super simple,” but it makes a real difference.

People also noted that since COVID, many have become hesitant to meet in person, share kai or sit closely with others. One person observed that “the whole mood of the world feels very different than it used to be” and that this shift has been “dragging on our mental health collectively.”

Less Tolerance for Transactional Spaces

A poignant insight emerged around transactional interactions. One participant commented, “people do not have energy for transactional relationships… there is almost no space for them anymore.” Instead, people seem to be gravitating toward more authentic, relational spaces where energy can be restored rather than depleted.

Many people then shifted to reflecting on what they were seeing inside organisations. Several noted that the heaviness showing up in personal relationships is also showing up in workplaces. People are tired, overwhelmed, and increasingly pulling back from contributing to the wider mission of their organisation. One person shared that “people are resorting more to their personal agency… they are not contributing to the large whole,” because uncertainty and pressure are pushing them into self-protection and survival mode. This makes it difficult for leaders who are trying to create momentum or steward collective change. Another described the daily feeling inside institutions as like walking through treacle, where communication is harder, collaboration takes more effort, and people simply do not have the bandwidth they once had.

Prioritising Well-being over Compliance

Several members then spoke about what they are observing in leadership spaces they work in. Groups who would normally complete tasks easily are now overwhelmed and struggling with basic follow through. One person shared that the leaders in their programme are “exhausted, just completely exhausted,” and that the constant stressors of the political, economic and social environment have reduced their capacity to manage anything beyond the essentials. To respond to this, they adjusted their programme by removing the transactional tasks that no one had the energy for. Instead, they focused on the weekly relational wānanga, asking wellbeing questions and checking in on what participants could realistically manage. Those relational spaces continued to draw people in, even when their capacity for individual tasks had dropped. It demonstrated that when people are stretched, connection holds more value than compliance, and the collective space becomes the part they can still show up for.

Global and Political Shifts Adding Pressure

Those joining from overseas shared similar patterns, particularly in the United States where major funding cuts in science and federal agencies are destabilising sectors that have long relied on ongoing grants. One member described colleagues who are literally tracking removed grants and disappearing datasets, calling it “gas lighting… at the highest scale.” They spoke about people moving through “Stages of Grief” as they try to make sense of the changes taking place around them.

Others reflected that even when people have long advocated for systemic change, living through it can still be unsettling. As someone noted, “I asked for this… but that does not make it not difficult to experience.”

This global sense of uncertainty felt familiar to those in Aotearoa as well. Several participants connected the heaviness in their communities to the current political climate, with one person saying, “What is happening in Parliament… I think we are all feeling that.”

Choosing Where Energy Goes

As we moved toward closing, the group came back to the heart of why this conversation mattered. Someone reflected that acknowledging the heaviness people are feeling is not about being negative, but about being honest with each other. Others noticed that because so many are stretched, people are becoming more deliberate about where they put their remaining energy. Rather than pouring effort into institutions that feel misaligned or overwhelming, many are choosing whānau, neighbourhood, close community and the relationships that genuinely sustain them. Another participant brought this together clearly, saying, “if we can only have so much energy to use, where do we actually want to be using it?”

It was a reminder that even in times of pressure, people are finding ways to orient toward what matters most. We closed the session encouraging one another to take care, to find small pockets of ease amidst the heaviness, and to stay connected in the places that feel grounding. Another rich kōrero came to an end, held together once again by the relationships that anchor us.

Join us by registering here for a cuppa at 11am every Friday.